thomaso'leary.com

yourplayersaidwhat:

Our party has just discovered a large statue. In its hand is a staff that we all figure must be powerful. We have our human fighter, the strongest of our group, attempt to retrieve it. He fails.

Elven Wizard: I’ll go ahead and try too. -proceeds to roll low-

Pixie Druid: Eh, why not. I’ll try too. -also rolls low-

Gnome Bard(Me): Alright alright -walks up, rolling up her sleeves- Lemme show y'all how it’s done.

I have her attempt to remove the staff, fully expecting her to fail… I then proceed to roll a natural 20.

DM OOC: You get the staff, but also break off the arm of the statue, sending a cloud of dust and chunks of it flying off.

Gnome Bard(Me) OOC: -cackling like a madman- HOLY SHIT

yourplayersaidwhat:

DM: Your party encounters 2 orcs on your travels–

Player: I ROLL PERSUASION TO PERSUADE YOU TO MAKE IT ONLY 1

[rolls a 2]

DM:

Player:

DM:

Player:

DM: seriously

DM: now it’s gonna be FOUR ORCS

goopy-amethyst:

elasticitymudflap:

sleepysheepie:

nyehs:

realjunko:

i fORGOT MY LAPTOP WAS HOOKED UP TO THE STEREO SYSTEM SO THIS JUST PLAYED IN EVERY ROOM OF MY HOUSE OH MY GOD

[TO THE TUNE OF “PON PON PON - Kyary Pamyu Pamyu”] (Music fades in) Tabun sonnan ja dame desho Oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea Mr Krabs oh yea oh yea Mr Krabs Krab Krab AHH AHH AHH Krab Krab AHH Krab AHH Krab Krab Krab Krab AHH AHH AHH Krab Krab AHH Krab AHH Krab Krab Krab Krab AHH AHH AHH Krab Krab AHH Krab AHH Krab Krab Oh yea Mr Krabs (Music slowly fades out)

I don’t know what you would call that scream, but a simple “AHH” does not cover it.

WHY DOES  T HIS PIECE OF SHIT HAVE 99K FUCKING NOTES NOT A DAY GOES BY I DONT REGRET MAKING THIS POST I HATE ALL OF YOU AND IM NUKING MY COMPUTER FROM ORBIT

IT’S FINALLY BACK!! 

Best served without context

yourplayersaidwhat:

Warlock: “Ok, lesson learned. Dont try to summon demons on the first date.”

Fighter (OOC): “ Second Date, at least.”

Cleric (OOC): “Some people wait until their married to summon demons.”

chaosophia218:

Avichi - The Devil’s Fractal, 2011.

There are two types of DM.

unflirty:

jokebud:

unflirty:

thegamegeneral:

“You can’t do that.”

“*Sigh* Roll for it.”

dont forget the dms i slide into to get bitches while you geeks are playin nerd shit

sage i played dungeons and dragons with you

Sorry idk you

fadedfemales:

a girl’s sleepy voice is probably the cutest thing that has ever existed on this earth

mothras-gay-dad:

a godless heathen potato

madcap52:

bixbiboom:

scottlynch78:

suricattus:

majesticduxk:

kneehighspocks:

lemonsharks:

taraljc:

ayellowbirds:

ungramon:

This is what a baby great white shark looks like.

It’s actually a baby salmon shark, seen here being carefully rescued from having beached itself, because it is an oceanic danger puppy and like most wild animals, will bite if confused/scared. (source here)

@lemonsharks I found you a danger puppy.

BEST DANGER PUPPY

@graysandtequila

@squeakpigsrevenge

LBH, if all sharks were 1-4 feet long, ain’t nobody would think twice about swimming with them, no matter how damn many teeth they had.

Danger puppy.

@shadowblinder

@kitucan a tiny Sal