thomaso'leary.com

speechlessxredundant:

I had to make this I’m sorry

outofcontextdnd:

DM: “The dog tears into your arm as you reach out.”

Warrior: “I would like to try and pet it with my other hand.”

littlerabbitpaw:

>insert portrait of my doggo Sky

whew I haven’t done a color pencil portrait like this in years! I made one of my other dog a long time ago, so I can finally check two pups off the list… one to go…

sauvamente:

cooldadhats:

oxtailgravee:

pussylightlytoasted:

👀

You will literally, actually die

I’m going to try this

Your dick gonna fall off the pain and rawness will be unbearable

An Impromptu Lesson in Dragonborn Anatomy that was Neither Wanted nor Needed

yourplayersaidwhat:

“Now, moving on to the gentleman across the room. He’s very tall, very blue, very naked, and sporting not one, not three, but TWO bright red rockets.”

The Shark Cult!

yourplayersaidwhat:

(Context: I am running a 5th edition campgain set in the Critical Role Universe. The Players are on a 3 month voyage to a new land. They encountered a heavy storm, after which the Half Orc barbarian started violently throwing up and helped chum the waters for sharks. The Gnome Cleric wanted to help the Faerie-Chosen Wood Elf Druid, long story, learn how to transform into shark. And sorry, this is kinda a long one.)

Cleric: I wanna get a Shark so the druid can learn how to transform into it.

DM (me): (Rolls to see if the shark is smart enough to play dead. Nat 20!) Yea sure go ahead.

Cleric: I;m gonna take it to the Druids room, set it down somewhere, put a bow onto it, and leave a note saying Have fun studying.

Me: Alright, you do so and leave the unconscious druid alone. With a freshly caught shark. So druid, you wake up and notice a shark on the floor.

Druid: Um, okay? (Was currently unconscious during the storm.)

Me: It starts violently thrashing about. What do you do?

Druid: (In a panic) um I dunno! I dunno, uh I cast Speak with Animals.

Me: It is gasping for water and is still thrashing about. All you hear is it suffocating.

Druid: Um crap. Uh, I cast Animal Friendship so it won’t bite me!

Me: Alright, you do so. What now?

Druid: I’m going to tell it to calm down, I’m going to help it, and I use Polymorph to turn it into a chicken.

Everyone Else: *Stares at Druid*

Me: Alright. You do so. It is no longer suffocating, but now running about screaming a single question. “WHAT AM I?!”

Everyone Else: *Losing it*

Druid: Okay, so I’m gonna try to calm it down and tell it to just trust me.

Me: (Rolls to see if it does so.) Alright, it looks at you and shakingly says okay.

Druid: I’m gonna pick him up, take him to the porthole, and chuck him outside, ending the polymorph spell.

Me: As it flies through the air, it’s immediate knee jerk is to try to flap his wings. The transformation hits and he turns back, falling into the drink. He pokes his head and a calls up “Thank you merciful God!”

Everyone: *Collectively loses their crap*

TL;DR: Druid is now a god among a group of 32 sharks.

markiplier:

I will fight you