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Terrifying Kobolds like a Fucking Five Year Old

yourplayersaidwhat:

Context: My character is a 6'2, 171 pound half-dragon, half-drow bloodrager.  Because of a feat, high Charisma, and an added rank, she gets a +11 to Intimidate checks and she’s the only member of the party who speaks Draconic, and we’re entering a dungeon full of kobolds, which she’s very familiar with.  Here are the three times I decided to roll Intimidate checks.

1. Our Rogue failed her stealth check and a kobold noticed her

Me (ooc): Am I close enough to terrify him?

GM: You are.

-rolls a 24-

GM: Ok, everyone, you hear December start speaking in a loud, growling language.

Bloodrager: YOU DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING!

-the kobold immediately walks over to the bookshelf and stares at it-

Our Oracle NPC: What the fuck just happened?

2. There’s a kobold guarding the entrance to the dungeon

Me (ooc): I’m gonna intimidate it.

-rolls a 16-

GM: You step into the room.

Bloodrager: Stand aside.

-the kobold blinks and steps off to the side so we can enter-

Rogue (ooc): How in the fuck.

3. There’s a mass of kobolds who just saw the bloodrager after failing a stealth check.

GM: What are you gonna do?

Me (ooc): I’m gonna scare the shit out of them.

-rolls a 30-

Bloodrager: -steps out from behind the corner and cracks her knuckles with a grin- Are we gonna do this the messy way or are y'all just gonna go sit in that corner over there?

-the kobolds all scurry into the corner and hide behind their shields-

GM: I wanna know how you’re making all these rolls.

Me (ooc): She has a +11 to Intimidate checks.

GM: Does she have the feat that adds her Strength modifier? (this character has a Strength mod of 4 and a Charisma mod of 3)

Me (ooc): Yeah.

GM: Of course she does.

annies-booobs:

tits-mcgeek:

not-pizza:

My idol

This will never not be funny.

a hero for the ages

Frederick the Goblin Deity

yourplayersaidwhat:

So our party had spotted a pair of goblins and we let our paladin go first.

Paladin: I’m gonna shield bash the first goblin.

DM: *Rolls strength check* Oh for christ’s sake…

Evidently the goblin had a -1 modifier to strength.

DM: His grand total is..0. You bash him, he flies into space…you hear his comrade yell “Frederick NOOOOOO”

Rogue: Did…did we just create a celestial being?

DM: Congratulations, you have created Frederick the deity…

The cult of Frederick showed up repeatedly throughout this campaign…

txepvi:

glitterslither:

You need.. you need to unmute…

Rated M for Memes

yourplayersaidwhat:

Thief: (dabs)

Wizard: What was that?

Thief: Hmm? Oh, that’s an ancient elven gesture of victory.

DM: The worst part is that’s canon now.